Don’t Be Yourself
You can go off the rails following that popular “Be yourself“ advice we hear everywhere. Why? Leadership success depends on understanding the difference between “being authentic” and being at the mercy of unconscious, hardwired traits and reactions, which can sabotage us as good leaders.
There are almost 20,000 books on Amazon discussing authenticity. In the last ten years, use of the word has tripled in the business press—articles generally advise you to be yourself.
Another way to think of authenticity is an often overlooked quality of great leadership– self-awareness. Being a self-aware leader isn't just about knowing your strengths and weaknesses. It's about understanding your innate biological programming and how it can impact your leadership style. Once you understand yourself more, you won’t want to be yourself, you’ll want to improve. You’ll want to be your better self.
Let’s look at authenticity before moving on to your primal brain. (I know this sounds a little scarier than it really is.)
Authenticity: The Power of Being You
Self-aware leaders are also authentic. They don't try to be someone they're not. They admit vulnerabilities and leverage their unique strengths, passions, and experiences to connect with their team. This authenticity fosters trust and psychological safety, where team members feel comfortable sharing ideas, taking risks, and learning from mistakes. It creates a more engaged and innovative work environment.
Imagine two scenarios:
Scenario 1: A manager, Mary, struggles to delegate tasks. Fear of losing control keeps her micromanaging everything. This stifles team growth and creates a tense atmosphere.
Scenario 2: John, another manager, recognizes his tendency to micromanage. He openly discusses this with his team, explaining his desire to empower them. He proactively delegates tasks and actively seeks feedback.
Self-awareness allows John to embrace his authenticity while recognizing areas for improvement. This fosters trust and collaboration within his team.
Taming the Primal Brain for Effective Leadership
As many of you know, I use Nobel prize winner Daniel Kahneman’s Fast and Slow brain model. The fast brain is the auto brain, and the slow is the focused brain. And deep inside that fast brain is what you know as the primal brain.
I differentiate these because self-awareness goes beyond understanding your personality. It also involves acknowledging the powerful influence of the primal brain. Deep within our skulls lies the amygdala, a primitive part responsible for fear and anger. When triggered, it can push us into fight-or-flight mode, clouding our judgment and leading to impulsive decisions.
Science has proven higher thinking cuts off when we are in fight-flight. This means we can’t problem-solve effectively.
For example, a leader receives an email criticizing their decision. Their amygdala gets fired up, triggering anger. They immediately draft a scathing response, ready to "fight back." But before hitting send, they take a moment to breathe. They recognize the primal reaction and choose a more measured approach.
Self-aware leaders learn to manage their amygdala. Some leaders practice mindfulness techniques like deep breathing and meditation to gain control over their emotions. Others count to ten. Some naturally don’t act as quickly to perceived slights as, say, I do.
They actively seek feedback to identify blind spots and unconscious biases.
Developing Your Self-Awareness Arsenal
Watch out for red flags warning that you are in an amygdala hijack:
Faster breathing and pulse rate/heartbeat.
Your throat feels tight.
You may shake a little (or a lot).
You notice emotions flaring.
What to do:
Create distance between yourself and the possible trigger.
Take some time, if you can, to allow the adrenaline to work out of your system.
Drink a cool glass of water slowly. This slows your breathing and heart rate. One interesting 2024 study shows that drinking water increases happiness!
Take a brisk walk. This gets the fight-flight chemicals out of your system faster.
Allow yourself time to problem-solve once your emotions stop riding you. If that is not possible, ask for feedback or mentorship. As an example, let an associate check your email before hitting send.
Think about how to avoid or remove that trigger in the future.
The Takeaway
Self-awareness is a superpower for leaders. It allows you to leverage your strengths, build trust through authenticity, and manage your primal brain for better decision-making. By being self-aware, you become a leader who inspires, empowers, and fosters a thriving team environment.
The more you understand the pluses and minuses of your auto-brain, the more self-aware you become because the auto-brain is stuffed with instinctual behaviors, habits, drives, and emotions—the things that make us human.
Leadership isn't about dominating the room. It's about creating a space where everyone can shine.
Becoming a self-aware leader is a challenge. It requires constant self-observation, a willingness to learn, and a commitment to growth. Why? Because being authentic doesn’t mean staying the same, it means improving yourself. The rewards for yourself and your team are immeasurable.
What do you plan to do to become more self-aware? Or to be your better self?
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Until next time.
Mike